lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
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