My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
