I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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