Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
