So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
