thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
