actually, I'm a sock model
I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
he was CRYING into my vagina
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
