Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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