Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
no, he came in my armpit
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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