y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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