Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
