can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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