3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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