3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Send help, water and tortillas.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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