dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize