Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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