I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
its not stalking. its research.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I'm too high and old for this...
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
