i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
