I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
