i just wanna soil my oats bro
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
