Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
