Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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