Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
