you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize