that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
