Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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