dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
My pussy is not your playground.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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