You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
