I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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