Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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