I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
