I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
you are never too drunk for berry picking
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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