I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
