New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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