Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
