One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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