I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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