Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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