I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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