Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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