Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
