dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
