In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
