so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize