3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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