No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
