i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
