he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
