cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize