I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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