Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
