I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
