i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize