I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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