Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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