I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
