Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
