I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
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