I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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