and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
