so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
