We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize
