ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Farmville is her only friend.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
