im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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