Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
