i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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