Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
