she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
is it fun? or sober?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
