I don't remember. Are we still dating?
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
