i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
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