sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
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