Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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