this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
