In the future we'll all be gay
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Randomize
