Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
