mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
