i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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