I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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