Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
no you cant smoke seaweed
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
