Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
