My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
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