Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Randomize
