I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
