i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
