i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
