i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
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