My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
