i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Randomize
