I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
