I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
