it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
