I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
