I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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