Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize