So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
