If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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