I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
