Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
