You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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