I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
