Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
