fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
