im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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