just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
