I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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