And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
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