hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize
