Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize