haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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