he puts the penis in happiness.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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